I couldn’t bring myself to tell my fiancé about the incident that happened between my cousin Pascal and I, I was so scared that he might not want to carried on with the wedding or even worst see me as an abomination so, I kept it to myself and begged Pascal not to tell anyone about it which he agreed to if only I willingly allow him to sleep with his for the last time before I give myself to another man for the rest of my life. After much argument i agreed to cause I really don’t want to lose my fiancé, I deeply love him and yet I don’t want to bring shame to myself by letting him know about this abominable act……so yes I agreed and he sleep with me again but this time it was my will. We booked a room at choice hotel at emmanemmeka street of Awka, Anambra state. We did it and he promised me this would be the last,,, he told me how much he loves me and didn’t mean to take my virginity forcefully, said he is sorry and can’t bring himself to accept the fact that am getting married and leaving the family. Finally we got it done with and left the hotel room. I went back home not feeling fulfilled deep inside, I felt I have betrayed my love for my fiancé, I felt foolish, maybe telling my fiancé about all this was the best idea or maybe not, I was confused, didn’t know which is right or wrong anymore. later on I decided to wave it off my memories and think about the joy of marriage, wifehood and eventually the joy of being a mother, those thoughts made me feel happy and soon I forgot about the ugly thing I had done with my cousin Pascal.
On the 27th of May 2012, my fiancé and I got married, it was a thing of joy haven been blessed by both families and receiving cheers from friends, my husband and I went home happily (wish that happiness lasted). On 2014, I started having strange feelings around me, sometimes I would have bad dreams about my past with Pascal, soon I fell ill, so ill that I had to go to the hospital, when I was diagnosed by doctors they saw nothing wrong with me, did series of laboratory tests but nothing, tests keeps saying am totally alright but I not alright, am sick, shivering from severe cold, strong headaches and all the signs of illness. My husband never gave up on me, he kept taking me to different hospitals yet nothing, same results of me being totally alright. We went to the village to know if we can get some answers cause we were already thinking its more spiritual than medical. On getting to the village, we were introduced to a chief priest who told us that I am the cause of all my problems , he went further to expose me of my secret, told my husband about Pascal and I, the rape, the deal we had and how I willingly slept with him. It is an abomination, a sacrilege, which is against my culture from my home of birth which is Isiagu in Anambra state. My husband got furious and left me in the priest house and drove home. I turned to the priest and asked him if truly this is the reason why am this sick, he replied me Yes and I get certain items and come for cleansing with my cousin to be cleansed also. At first I found it difficult to believe it cause this is what I think only happens in the movies, It was to strange to be true to me. Now my husband is very hurt, I don’t know how to approach him to tell him am sorry, how am I going to face my family? What will my husband’s people think of me? How am I going to do this cleansing? And even after the cleansing will Mike (my husband) still look me in the eye and honestly tell me how much he loves me? Am just so confused , don’t know what to do and where to start, don’t even know where to go to ( definitely not my husband’s house he will kill me), am just lost and wished all these never had happened, it’s just too much for me bear alone. Finally, I picked myself up left the village and headed into town with the intention to meet Pascal, to tell him how miserable he has succeeded in making my life become.
Pascal didn’t seem to cared much about what I told him, his major concern was about how he will to see make money, get himself a ride and build himself a mansion. Anyways I gave Pascal a piece of my mind, after much shouting and quarreling he sent me out of his house and threatened to kill me if he ever sees me anywhere around his apartment again……I left his house still sick, shivering from cold, very weak as I haven’t eaten for long, I went to my husband‘s house to beg him for forgiveness and acceptance. On getting there I saw him drinking himself to stupor with beer….it was too much for him to take, the girl he loves so much did this abominable thing and hid it from him. I went on my knees with my eyes filled with tears, I begged him said am sorry called him all the sweet names I know and can imagine, but he pushed me out of the door and shut it behind me. I never relented, I took shelter under the staircase, I couldn’t sleep, I was too weak and hungry, filled with thoughts on what next to do. The next morning I went back to my husband’s door and waited for him to come out to go to work, as soon as he came out I started begging and throw myself to ground, but he never cared, he ignored me and left to work, this continued for 4days, I never lost hope i remained there waiting for him to come back. I felt I was going to die but I don’t want to die, I want to live and live as long as God wants me to. One day, on his way to work he stopped to look at me and said he will listen to whatever I have to say….he as ked me about my deed with Pascal and I told him to truth about it all, he blamed me for not telling him about this before our marriage and how disappointed he is on me. We bought things for the cleansing and the cleansing was done. At last he forgave me and accepted me back into his life as his wife and as part of his family.